Survival
by foreverbestinglife
Summary: HG/SS. Hermione gives up the magical world after a traumatic experience post war. Disappearing from everyone she loves before running into someone she never thought she would. Can Severus help Hermione process her grief? Will Hermione let him? Rated M just in case. Explicit Language/Rape/Torture/possible sexual content
1. Gone

On Thursday December 24th a year after the wizarding war victory, Hermione looked out of the window from her rented cottage. The cottage sat in the valley of vast meadows in Australia. All the leads she had accumulated over the past three months had led to this location, yet she still hadn't any luck. Their dental practiced had been closed up a month prior to her arrival and so far Hermione couldn't get a straight answer as to why. All of their regular patients hadn't heard from her parents since the doors of the practice had closed either.

So Hermione stood with her cup of coffee as the late thunder storm raged. What am I missing? I've spoken to everyone, the last anyone heard they were setting up a new practice that was set to open last week. So far there isn't any sign of a new practice. Their house is still pain for, their furniture and belongings still there.

As much as she hated it, the sinking feeling within her stomach kept building. But she refused to go down that train of thought, it was too soon.

Taking the last of the coffee in one full gulp, Hermione opened the windows to her bedroom and crawled into bed. Every day was a new day with new possibilities, at least that's what she kept telling herself.

-HG-

Hermione woke up to the sound of the rain continuing outside, but the smell of Australia and all its nature waking her pleasantly. The longer she stayed here looking for her parents, the more she realized what they loved this place so much. Like the saying goes, being within nature is the worlds greatest natural healer.

Taking a nice long shower and getting ready, Hermione made up her mind on the next course of action. Her parents being muggles meant that she needed to think like a muggle. With her phone and cup of coffee she began making calls to the local hospitals and police stations in hopes of finding a better lead.

"Hello?" A nurse picked up on the second ring for the local hospital, Hermione could hear the hustle and bustle of the hospital in the background.

"Hi, I know your busy but I'm looking for my parents? Is there any way you could look them up in the database to see if they have been admitted in the last couple months?"

Hermione heard the nurse tapping on a keyboard before she answered politely. "Yes ma'am, what are the names?"

"Wendell and Monica Granger?" Tapping a sip of the coffee and turning her gaze to the rain, she felt anxious as the wait began.

Hearing the nurses fingers tap in succession on the keyboard only made the wait drag even longer. Suddenly they stopped and everything went quiet. Hermione checked the signal on her to phone to make sure the connection hadn't been dropped.

"Ma'am?"

Hermione instantly heard the sadness in her voice and the sinking feeling in her stomach exploded to her heart and body. Feeling crippled but finding the strength to continue, Hermione took a deep breath.

"Yes, what did you find?"

"Ma'am typically we have the family member come in to deliver this news, can you stop by the hospital."

She knew the news was bad, knew that they were dead. There wasn't any reason to drag it out.

"They are dead aren't they?"

"Ma'am…." The nurse's emotions were obvious within the tone of her voice before Hermione heard her sigh in resignation. "Ma'am they were in a fatal car accident about four months ago."

"Thank you." Hermione hung up the phone as her grip on the phone gave out. The phone dropped to the floor shattering its screen as Hermione fell to her knees.

If there had been anyone in the near vicinity of the cottage they would have heard the most painful and heart wrenching wail as Hermione succumbed to the pain of her loss.

4 years later, 5 years post war

Hermione left the hospital feeling bone deep exhausted, checking her pager once more before heading home. It had been a long and horrifying shift with one of the many car accidents that brought back the trauma of losing her parents. Except after the 3 years of education and fast tracking to her MD, Hermione Granger was now Dr. Granger and able to help those in car accidents live. She was a trauma surgeon and damn good at it.

Climbing out of the truck and into her house, she shed her shoes and summoned a fresh pot of coffee. Having perfected both wandless and wordless magic, she waved her hand and caught the fresh cup of hot coffee.

It was raining, thundering just like that fateful morning she found out. Nope, not going down that train of thought. I saved a family today, two little girls and their parents are stable because of my work today. So stop, none of that.

She grabbed her book on the latest potions theories and started her midnight routine of sipping coffee and reading while winding down from a long day of work.

-SS-

It had been a long day, the students were exceptionally stupid and caused more than one potentially fatal incident during his classes today. Curled up on his armchair, Severus sipped his brandy while gazing into the fire. As he went to grab his book of choice lately, his eyes landed on the newspaper. In the bottom right hand corner they were still doing pieces on Harry Potter's best friend and long lost witch to the wizarding world. In the photo she was helping restore Hogwarts to its former glory, Hermione had been part of the volunteers. While he was in recovery, Hermione would stop by his bed to converse with him after getting done with the days work. He has never and will never tell anyone how much he began to look forward to those conversations.

That woman had grown the most since the first day he had her in his class, she had sprouted from the know-it-all bushy haired little girl to a gloriously strong woman. He had tried not to notice, but during the conversations he couldn't help but notice. Severus had found himself considering someone as a friend for the first time in years, since Lily. The day he was released from the infirmary by Madam Pomfrey, he went in search of her to have a conversation in diagon alley over some butterbeers only to discover that she was gone. Hermione had written a note to Minerva to address all of her friends and any of those who it may concern.

With a wave of his hand the note floated into his open palm.

Minerva,

Thank you so much for allowing me to stay within the castle while helping rebuild it to its former glory. Now the Snape has been discharged and the castle rebuild is done I am leaving. I have an important trip I have been planning since the beginning of our time on the run. I had to obliviate my parents and send them away to Australia to protect them. I am headed there now.

You know Harry, Ron, Ginny, Luna and Neville will all want to follow me and track me down to help. I am writing you a note in the hopes of being able to leave my trust in you to persuade them not to. This is something I must do on my own, I only hope those that I love can understand this.

I will return soon. Thank you again, for being there always and being someone I can trust to help me with this.

Your Gryffindor,

Hermione Granger

The harrowing pain in the pit of his stomach still remains every time he rereads this note. She didn't so much as mention him specifically. So he left it alone, he moved on and took up the position of potions master and professor in Hogwarts. Minerva had approached him not long after he was discharged, he didn't give it much thought as he realized that teaching was always something he could depend on. After some redecorating and spending the summers in different locations attempting to deal with the realization that he was in fact not a spy anymore. Severus returned to the castle in time for the start of year.

A year passed before that completely disgusting woman of a reporter Rita Skeeter realized that the resident know-it-all was missing. For the last four years there have been consistent paragraphs within the newspaper with different rumors as to what happened to her and where she could be.

For the longest time Severus didn't contact anyone assuming she would turn up eventually. About two years after he had resumed his time in Hogwarts, Harry Potter had payed him a visit.

The knock on the door was sound and assured, Severus stood from his armchair and answered the door. With a bit of surprise evident on his face, he stepped back to allow Harry into his chambers.

"Potter?"

Harry took a seat on the sofa facing the fire, his head immediately falling in to his hands with a heavy sigh.

"We finally received word from Hermione Professor. She isn't coming back. She won't tell us where she is and only gives us the promise that she is okay and alive. She's asked for us not to contact her anymore."

Severus sat and waited knowing the younger wizard wasn't done speaking yet.

"I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what happened and I cant bring her back or force her to tell me…."

Taking a moment to push the pain that laced his heart at the young boys words and the realization he would never see her again, Severus cleared his throat.

"Sometimes, something happens that just changes us. Something that no one could foresee. Something that no one else can help us with. Hermione obviously is dealing with something Harry."

"But we can't just let her go…..can we?"

A single tear made its way down his cheek as Severus laid a hand on the younger mans shoulder.

"We have to."

Severus couldn't believe how his relationship with the boy who had been the bane of his existence had changed. Now he knew that Hermione had not only saved his life, but his soul as well. As he had friends he never would have considered before.

Smiling softly at the joy his friends had brought him since that day, and laying the note within his book Severus went to bed. His dreams were the same as usual, a replay of the conversations he had with her before she went missing.

-HG-

Today was the first day off she had in nearly two weeks. She finally had 24 hours of not being on call or having patients and Hermione was bored. He had gone swimming, had his nails done, and even splurged for a spa massage. She had officially been pampered and was bored.

Sitting at the local café sipping her latte while attempting to think of something to do. Suddenly she remembered that she could use another potions book to read for her after work routine. Meaning a trip to diagon alley, meaning being back in the wizarding world. Something she only allowed once every two months.

Luckily Hermione had changed physically, so much so that she was almost unrecognizable to everyone that isn't close to her. So with the decision made, she let her hair down to better conceal her face and made her way to the alleyway to apparate to diagon alley.

Hermione took a moment to survey the walkway of diagon alley, after not finding anyone she recognized she released the disillusionment charm and entered Flourish and Blotts.

Taking a sigh in relief at the lack of people within the store she began locating the rows of books that would contain potions text. As she rounded a corner a singular man stood in between the row of books she wanted to peruse. Not recognizing who it was she pushed forward and began scanning the books with their index finger.

-SS-

His usual Friday consisted of a trip to Flourish and Blotts, which is why he happened be standing between the first row of potion texts. As he stood reading the preface of one of the books he happened to be looking for, he felt a presence enter the same row. Using his magic to see if he recognized the signature, Severus felt a familiar and yet unknown magical signature.

Turning to the face the other row of books, he closed the current book and slid it between his arm while using his index finger to look at the other text. Peeking from the corner of his eye, he attempted to take in the stranger next to him.

A gorgeous head of long brown and blonde hair flowed in soft curls down to her mid back. She stood at his shoulder height and had a build of muscles and strength unlike any he had ever seen. She wore a simple pair of dark jeans and a hoody. Her shoes spoke of someone who appreciated running and her hands looked delicate but sure in their movements. Her hair concealed her face from his view.

While Severus hadn't really been in the dating pool since his recovery, he found his gut clenching and unclenching. His interest had never been piqued in such a depth that Severus felt he had to try and make contact.

-HG-

Hermione found a book that she considered a definite possibility and was beginning to read the preface when she was suddenly knocked off balance by someone. Strong hands grabbed her as she lost balance and steadied her.

When she looked up to look at who had been the offender, she recognized him almost immediately. Her magic and heart throbbed with happiness and sorrow. Hermione found herself rooted to the spot in silence, as time had apparently not frozen as her body had Severus removed his hands from her arms and stepped back.

She watched as his eyes held a look of curiosity as he gazed upon her face. Hermione realized Severus had no idea who she was. Clearing her throat, Hermione finally broke herself from its frozen state.

Severus bowed slightly in acknowledgement as he spoke first. "I'm truly sorry, I had my nose buried in a book as usual. Forgive me ma'am?"

Hiding a chuckle at the irony, and pushing the pain down Hermione smirked at Severus. "No forgiveness necessary, I used to be just a clumsy when it came to books during my childhood."

Severus's expression changed, as his eyes became darker. Fearing he had finally put two and two together, Hermione turned and began walking away. Hurrying to the checkout, she payed for her book and left Flourish and Blotts without another glance.

The further she made it from the entrance to that store, the deeper her pain built as she realized Severus had been one of the people she wanted to avoid. Someone she missed so much. Hermione apparated home and fell to her knees as the uncontrollable sobbing began.

Curling up on the floor as her dog snuggled up whining in worry, Hermione cried herself to sleep on her living room carpet.

-SS-

He stood rooted to the spot as the woman fled from him. Watching as she paid for her book and left without another glance. His gut clenching and unclenching.

That voice. Why am I frozen to the spot because of her voice?

Severus finally moved and paid for his books while still pondering the questionable stranger that he found flooding his every thought.

Why don't I recognize her if I know her voice? And how do I know her voice in such a way that it would cause me to freeze to the spot?

Retreating back to Hogwarts in time for his only class of the day, Severus focused on teaching dunderheads and pushed all thoughts of the beautiful stranger from the bookshop out of his mind.

-HG-

Hermione awoke to her pager going off, wiping the tears from her cheek she picked up her pager from the kitchen counter and found a 911 from the Er. Quickly washing her face and feeding the dog, Hermione left her house and apparated to the backside alleyway of the hospital.

-SS-

Severus woke up with a terrible pain in his gut, as his arm naturally came to hug his stomach he remembered where he had heard that voice.

Hermione.

The voice that haunted his dreams belonged to the stranger from the shop. That's why his gut had been acting up and why he felt a blood curling pain right now. To know that he had her in his hands and stood less than a foot from her but failed to recognize and say something was enough to cripple him.

Severus wanted to jump from his bed and grab his clothes in pursuit of her but knew that she was no where to be found now. That even if he apparated back he wouldn't be able to track a 12 hour old apparition point. Hermione was back to her part of the world and safe, where he wouldn't be able to find her once again.

He lay back in bed with the heaviest sigh as sleep took him over once again.

-HG-

Hermione pushed through nurses and shut the door to the air vent within the hospital. This was her home away from home. The one place within the hospital she could isolate herself and breathe. No one ever went in here and Hermione had found it after her second month of internship within the hospital. This is where she ended up after a bad outcome, every time she couldn't save someone this is where she escaped and mourned.

Every loss weighed heavier and heavier on her already bleeding heart. The heart that she knew had never allowed to mourn. She had just lost a pregnant woman and her baby due to a cancer she couldn't have known the patient had upon arrival. All circumstances out of her control and yet she felt it all.

As she slid down the door sobbing she closed her eyes and rest her head against her knees. She had a rule, only allowing a total of about 5 minutes to relieve the pain. After those 5 minutes, she wiped the tears from her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat.

Standing and leaving from the room, Hermione went to the lounge and began to change out of her scrubs. As she was paged on her day off for the ER, she pushed her return back to work and all her surgeries until the following day. Leaving the hospital while rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she knew the exhaustion was too much for a walk. So she went behind the hospital and apparated back to the house.

Crawling into bed, Hermione felt the tears begin again as she remembered Severus and her lost patients

—

All rights go to J.K. Rowling and her amazing art that fueled most of our childhoods. Hope all of you enjoyed, i look forward to any feedback you can give me!


	2. Found

-SS-

Severus sat at his desk as the last student departed the classroom. So many thoughts ran through his restless mind. Should he find her? Or leave her alone? Did she want to be found? Did she even recognize me? What if she doesn't care?

One thing remained certain, no matter how he felt he needed to make a decision that wouldn't make things worse or hurt her. He couldn't live knowing a decision or something he did made it harder for her to live. Especially when he knew it was because of her that he had been able to live as well as he did since the war. She changed him forever and if there was a way for him to repay her it would be his greatest accomplishment.

So what to do? For one thing I don't even know where to begin. She apparated to Diagon Alley and that she could have come from anywhere. She obviously was working as the book she purchased was not a cheap one. She looked well maintained and as intelligent as ever.

Only one thing was for sure. She visited Diagon Alley maybe once every few months or even more. HE understood how she could accomplish this as she didn't look anything like her former self. Was it a glamour or did she truly change that much over four years? He shook that thought from his mind as he know that he would have been able to spot a glamour almost immediately due to his years as a spy. No matter how strong the magic used to produce it could be.

Gathering his things and finally moving from behind his desk, Severus retreated into his private chambers to brainstorm while brewing his potions for Madam Pomfrey's supplies. Knowing she would be running low soon as quidditch season started at the beginning of the month.

Setting his tools to begin getting ready, Severus shed his teaching robes and rolled his sleeves to his elbows. Subconsciously he began to massage the location where the dark mark used to reside, as it was nothing more than a burn star now. He hated that he still had residual phantom pains in that location, especially stronger during his many nightmares. The only time he hadn't dreamt about his past and it's resulting pain had been after those daily conversations with Hermione.

So the question begs how I couldn't try everything in my power to go and help her? He sarcastically chuckled at his ridiculous need to be her shining knight in armor. Because maybe she doesn't need saving. Suddenly his mind flooded with different thoughts of her spending her nights with another man. Severus almost puked at the idea, get angrier by the minute at his pointless jealousy. It was very doubtful that four years later she would even still consider him as a friend.

He attempted to ignore his inner monologue as it only proved to frustrate him more. Focusing on his potions and finally becoming consumed with the process. During the war and even after it never matter what he was doing or dealing with, brewing potions had always been his escape. The one thing he could do to block the reality of his world out. Even if it became unhealthy, he could still rely on his subject of mastery to be his go to for the hard times.

After the last potion was bottled and the supplies cleaned up, his private brewing lab once again showed its normal pristine cleanliness. Looking out the window and seeing the darkness in the depth of night. Severus sent his potions to magically appear and replenish the medi witch's stock in the infirmary. Severus fell into his armchair as exhaustion finally set in, as it always did when he completely disappeared into his potions. Brandy in an ice glass appeared before him, and a fire roared next to the chair as Severus took the first of many sips that night.

Suddenly his mind woke him from the reverie he went to and realized he could do something. A tracking spell for his magical signature, not to actually follow it but to notify me once she apparates into Diagon Alley again! Quickly he summoned his ancient runes and charms texts, the beginnings of a spell already forming.

Severus worked into the wee hours of the morning and fell into a deep sleep after finishing the spell he needed. For the first time in three days his body felt no aches or pains as he dreamt of his favorite conversation with her.

His eyes slowly opened as he felt the chair next this shift. With one eye barely cracked he peaked over and saw Hermione take her seat. Her hair had Dutch braids on either side into pigtails. Secretly his favorite hair style of hers as she had become the only woman he knew to make pigtails look less childish and more intelligently ladylike. She had on a tank top that showed the beginnings of scars but held the majority of them from view. With a snug pair of those weird soccer pants on, that she had explained were muggle and her most comfortable pair of sweats. She was looking from the window on the far side of her chair waiting for him to wake, Severus spent a few more seconds admiring her before speaking. Hermione had become reserved and wise during those months after the battle, slowly he saw the child disappear and the woman beginning to rise.

'Hermione? How was the rebuild today?'

She turned to face him with a tear sliding down her left cheek. '….Hermione?' Her name came out with concern and worry this time as Severus fought off a stupid idea of jumping from his bed to embrace her.

A puzzled mask appeared on her face as she smirked and cleared her throat. 'W-what Severus? Are you in pain?'

Confusion settled in as he realized she didn't know she had been crying. 'No. Hermione your crying. What were you thinking about?'

Quickly she made to wipe any tears from her eyes. 'Nothing really. We finished the rebuild, the castle looks beautiful. As if the war never happened. Oh-…..' another tear escaped. 'I was remembering those we had loss and the experiences. I was wishing I could go back in time to where none of it truly had happened instead of just appearing as if it hadn't. That would probably explain the emotion.'

She glanced past him as if too ashamed to look into his eyes. 'Then I feel foolish discerning my pain to someone who was more directly affected than I ever could have been. Or could have recovered from being. I'm truly sorry Severus.'

Hermione made to leave as more tears escaped her eyes. Severus reached and grabbed her hand at the last second. His hand slid from her wrist to lace his fingers with hers. He never realized how delicate her hands were, never could have guessed they would have fit perfectly in his. Hermione had stopped only to turn with shock on her face as he held her hand. When she faced him fully, Severus grave her hand a gentle squeeze.

'There's one thing all of us will come to understand about the war, everyone's experience and perception of the event is going to be different. Basically, it doesn't matter who we talk to, everyone's experiences are just as painful as the next. No one went through something worse than the other, we were all a part of it…Sit down Hermione. Please.'

Severus watched as Hermione's emotions finally unleashed, a dam broke and she crumbled into him rather than away from him. She sobbing relentlessly and quietly as he pulled her into him and she curled up next to him on the hospital bed. With her arms around his waist, Severus would never forget her holding him tight, as though if she was using him as her anchor to get through the emotion. Brushing the hair from her face while whispering calming things to her, he held her until she quietened down. As all that was left were little hiccups and deep breathing, he assumed she had fallen asleep.

'As time goes by, it'll get smaller. Feel less painful, less consuming. It'll catch you off guard sometimes and feel as if it just happened. But other times you'll be able to look back on it and understand things happened for a reason. Understand that you will survive and move on, and that its made you who you will develop into.' Hermione nuzzled further into his chest, 'time will move on, and you will be strong. Just as you have always been. You'll be okay Hermione. We all will.'

She pushed herself from his chest to look into his eyes, 'we all will.' Pulling herself from his grasp, Severus immediately missed her warmth. 'Thank you Severus.'

Hermione sat back in her armchair and they started to talk about things per usual. Eventually he became drowsy and fell asleep, just before losing consciousness he felt her give one last squeeze of his hand.

Severus woke up from his dream with a clear and focused mind. Getting dressed in a hurry, he left the castle with the determination to cast the spell at the few locations that apparition were allowed, and the few shops he knew she would arrive at.

-HG-

Work seemed to consume everything about her once more. The shock of finding Severus at Flourish and Blotts did a number on Hermione, so she did what she normally did. Focused on work and forgot the world. If it wasn't for her chief of surgery keeping tabs on the attendings hours and demanding her to go home, Hermione would have stayed at the hospital for a full 72 hours.

Once home, she went through the motions of getting coffee and lighting the fire. One of her cases in the last three days had brought back some unwanted questions. The question of mixing magic with muggle medicine. Hermione had originally planned on doing that, helping those she could and using her magic in a hail Mary case by case basis. However, while in medical school she began to understand why that could never work.

The muggle anatomy would never be able to withstand direct magic. As those with magical abilities are naturally developed to withstand any magic that isn't fatal, the muggle body isn't. It killed Hermione that she had so much potentially important abilities but couldn't use them in her career. So she took the losses personally like she wasn't supposed to and grieving every one of them.

Her colleagues always told her while they were residents together that being that doctor would burn her out early on in her career. As Hermione didn't really plan on being a muggle doctor forever, she couldn't care less for the opinions of others. Sticking mostly to herself caused her coworkers to rumor about how much of a loner she was. Not truly understanding why, just talking amongst themselves about how she was broody and always kept to herself, but brilliant with her medicine.

Hermione had become one of the most sought after doctors in Scotland, especially for trauma cases. However, she never published anything for fear of someone in her past finding the article and ultimately where she was. So that held her back from any accelerations within her career. She avoided questions all the time about why she wouldn't write articles or publish the things she had developed for trauma surgery. A few of her accomplishments had been published but by her coworkers within the trauma field with her support.

As the exhaustion finally set in, Hermione had one thing she wanted to do before sleep took over. During work binges, Hermione knew that once she worked over 48 hours when she did finally go to sleep she would sleep for around 12 to 22 hours on average. So before that happened, she really wanted to go into diagon alley and get some dreamless sleep ingredients. She knew that the worst time for her to allow the nightmares would be during these long hibernations.

Changing into clothes to withstand the torrential downpour and thunder storm raging outside, Hermione apparated to Diagon Alley behind Slug and Jiggers Apothecary.

-SS-

Severus was brewing a potion he had decided to try and use to help students with PTSD issues from the war when his wand started to burn. Immediately he knew that the spell he placed on the apparition points and shops in Diagon Alley had worked and she was there. Suddenly he had a decision to make, finish the potion or ruin it and take off after her. Giving it less than a seconds thought, Severus vanished the potion and apparated away.

Arriving at the apparition point, his wand used his magic to guide him to the exact shop she was in. As he reached the entrance Severus steeled himself to act casual to ensure he didn't freak her out. Slowly walking into the shop he immediately caught sight of her at the register ordering ingredients.

What potion is she trying to brew? He nonchalantly sidled up to stand behind her as if waiting in line to order ingredients for himself. Listening in he realized she must have just started because he heard enough of the ingredients to recognize the recipe for Dreamless Sleep. His heart ached for her as he realized she was still battling nightmares. From the war or from something else? Hmmm…..

Once the clerk finished ringing up her order, she paid and stepped aside.

'What can I get you sir?' Realizing she would have looked by now and seen him standing there, he cooled his nerves and ordered his normal supplies of ingredients. The clerk knowing him as a regular customer had a confused expression as Severus had already made the same order less than a week ago.

'Must be working through these ingredients faster than normal at the school eh Professor Snape?'

Severus winced as the clerk revealed his identity, bracing himself for her to flee. However, she remained where she was as if she didn't hear him and continued to look at the walls of brewed potions. Hmm…maybe I can use this?

'Not at all Brandon, currently conducting research.' The clerk nodded as he finished wringing up the ingredients he requested, Severus paid in full and stepped to he other side of the shop. Slowly he used the reflection of the shop glass windows to track Hermione's movements. Using that view he worked his way around the shop to be closer to her.

Turning to face her head on as she was less than a couple feet away, he cleared his throat. 'Excuse me miss, have I seen you before?'

-HG-

Shit, there's Severus. Of course he would be making a trip to this particular shop at this particular moment. What the hell…..

'….have I seen you before?' Hermione shook herself from the internal battle she had waged and realized he was next to her and speaking with her.

'I'm sorry what?' She continued to pretend to be extremely interested in the current potion in her hands as looking at him was becoming unbearable.

'Apologies. I was asking if I had met you before, you look familiar is all?'

So Severus does small talk to strangers now? Or does he already know who I am? Ugh! This is completely unacceptable, I wish that stupid clerk would hurry up. 'You must be mistaken sir. I haven't met you before.'

She made to step away from him and continue on browsing, when she heard him sigh her name 'Hermione…'

Suddenly she was rooted to the spot as she could have sworn her heart had stopped. 'S-sorry?' Her voice cracked as panic began to set in.

'I know its you Hermione. I didn't recognize you until I heard your voice at the Flourish and Blotts.'

Before she could answer the clerk brought her a bag filled with her ingredients, Hermione had to decide on what to do and fast. Could it really be so bad to speak with him, to let him in? What harm could one little conversation do?...could I leave? Would he follow?

As the panic built, Hermione did the only thing she could think to do. With a thank you to the clerk she apparated from the spot.

-SS-

Stupid! Stupid! STUPID! Can not believe I blew it. To reveal that I know who she is, you knew she would take off you stupid bloody prat. Severus watched as the clerk looked lost as to what to do, as he knew she just broke about five different wizarding laws not using the apparition point. As he made to follow the clerk back to the register Severus felt his magic pull at the exact location Hermione had apparated from. Suddenly he knew if he apparated his magic would take him to her. He also knew, that if she wasn't willing to have an actual conversation in public, that suddenly appearing in a private location would only set this possible progress back even further.

Even though every fiber of his being wanted him to take off after her, he followed the clerk to the register. Slowly coming to terms with the fact that he could have just killed whatever possibility he thought he had at getting her back in his life.

-HG-

Hermione apparated away, knowing it wasn't a good idea as she was way too emotional to properly travel. The next thing Hermione knew was she was laying outside of her house on the ground with her arm and shoulder in shreds bleeding profusely. Her breath was coming in quick short gasps and her head was feeling less and less focused by the minute. Hermione summoned the dittany from her house and magically unscrewed the plunger from the bottle. Using ever last ounce of strength she had, she used her wandless magic to squeeze drops all over the cuts. As the blood stopped and her skin form an ugly pattern of mended healthy and fresh skin, Hermione felt the last of her strength leave her as her vision clouded and she passed out.

…..

She woke up to her dog licking her face and whining. 'Sebastian, I'm okay boy. I'm okay.' She raised her uninjured hand and pet him behind the ears. When Sebastian step back and took a seat, Hermione took a look at her arm. Definitely ugly but it would heal. It would never be pretty but it would only add to the many scars she now sported. THANK YOU SEVERUS! Fuck!

Growling in frustration, she slowly made her way back on her feet. Grabbing the bag of ingredients, Hermione entered the house thanking her stars that any nearby neighbors were off by miles. After walking into the bathroom she gasped at the reflection she caught, blood covered her entire shirt and left leg. As well as having dried over her neck and in her hair. Hermione stripped herself of the bloody clothes minding the recently mended arm and stepped into the shower. Before turning it on, she prepared herself for the searing pain.

When the water hit her arm, she screamed loud enough for Sebastian to start howling in pain along with her. Feeling her knees give out, she caught herself on the railing with her healthy arm to prevent her fall from causing more damage. Lowering herself slowly to the ground, Hermione curled into the fetal position and rocked through the physical pain as the emotional reared its ugly head in the form of tears and sobs.

HOW?! How did he happen to be there? Why was he there! Goddamnit. I can't do this again. I-…..I can't go back to Diagon Alley. He knows who I am! Out of everyone, HE is the first to figure it out. Everyone is going to know. He will tell Minerva and then she will inform everyone else. Severus will try to secure her secrecy but Minerva will think she's doing the motherly and better thing for me. Hermione felt everything build up to be too much as sudden flashes of her parents and everything that happened before or after them came rushing forward. To prevent herself from passing out of the shower, she turned the water off as she realized the blood was out of her hair. She stumbled into her bedroom and fell onto her bed. With the last of her consciousness she grabbed the corner of her free blanket and rolled so that it covered her.

Her last thoughts were of Severus and how he held her the day before she left.


	3. The Escape

-HG-

Hermione spent the day at home after waking sixteen hours later, calling the doctor and taking a couple days off. Knowing full well that she was in no condition to operate on someone, much less hold a scalpel. Sebastian won't leave her side, she woke up to nestled against her back with his nose about a millimeter from the injured arm. When she went to crawl out of bed, she realized she bled a little as some of the new skin had split in sleep. Using more of her dittany, she waited until the arm mended and put it in a splint to prevent any further reopening.

She used her one good arm to brew the dreamless sleep, which proved more difficult than she thought with just one free hand. But if there's one thing she learned from Severus and his classes, magic and potions never mixed during the brewing process. Sebastian curled up in the corner of the room and watched her brew. As she always configured the living room into a brewing lab, Hermione had a fire going and some of her favorite music in the background to calm her.

Brewing always brought peace to her, even during the most trying times. She would start a project and be able to focus on it until its completion without any other distraction or thought. Slowly stirring the rod counterclockwise she began to hear his voice instructing her on how to continue. It was the best part about potions and probably why she was so in love with it. Because the man who taught her, who's voice she heard every time to took part in brewing was a man she could have easily considered to be the one for her. It was something she had known before she left Hogwarts, she knew the moment she had melted into his arms and he held her whispering calming things. From that moment she knew that Severus Snape could have owned her heart if she stayed any longer. Part of the reason she wrote that note and got it to Minerva so soon.

As the brewing process continued, Hermione let the music and atmosphere absorb her into the work.

-SS-

Severus hadn't gotten any sleep that night, everything he did resulted in thoughts of how he had officially ended his only chance at happiness. Completely ruining the only chance he had in possibly forming a friendship with her or being able to help her. It led to a despair so strong he fought tears during numerous points of the day. Even had a moment in class where he left one of the seventh years in charge while attending the loo in order to get a grip.

As the last student of the day left his classrooms, he began to pack up the homework he needed to grade that night when a familiar presence entered the class room.

'Headmistress?'

Minerva stopped in front of his desk with a confused and concerned look on his face. 'Severus, what is wrong? The students have been talking all day about how little you've spoken or corrected anyone. You even had a fourth year blow their cauldron and all you did was vanish the properties before anyone got hurt and dismiss the class.'

Severus continued collecting his papers and refusing to look the older woman in the face. Minerva had always been someone he had respected deeply and at times considered and welcomed her concern. Right now, he knew if he took one look he wouldn't be able to hold back the information he knew shouldn't be said. 'I'm fine Minerva. It's the night terrors again. I just need some sleep.'

As he left the classroom and his friend in it, he threw up the most powerful wards and locks on his private quarters that he could muster. Knowing the only thing to do was to get on with his life, Severus took his place in the office and began grading the incompetence that most students considered a finished essay.

-HG-

She never realized how much pain Ron must have been in after his arm had been splinched. It was constant and a dull throbbing stabbing pain that only kept the reason behind the failed travel fresh in her mind. Ever throb brought Severus's voice whispering her name, and every time a fresh waver of sorrow would take over. Hermione had done everything she could think of. Brewed potions, went for a run, even tried pampering herself and getting lost in a book. Nothing helped. She had been off of work for almost three days now and the pain in her arm wouldn't go away.

It had begun to lesson but was still present enough to cause the cycle to remain. Pain then sorrow then panic and back again to the pain. So she had decided on one of two choices, she could either cast a numbing spell on her arm to block all nerve receptors until it healed. This option had potentially devastating results, most importantly being her career as a surgeon. Operating with a numb arm could be potentially fatal for her patients. The other option was to wait it out, stay away from the hospital. Maybe travel (without apparating) for a week or so. As the second option seemed the best, she had her clothes start to pack themselves while preparing a bag for Sebastian.

'Want to go for a trip little man? Where shall we go?' As she cleared away the potions brewing equipment back to her normal living room furniture, Hermione took a seat in the armchair and motioned for Sebastian to join her. 'What do you think bud, France….No definitely too fancy. Hmm….what about Asia? Maybe its time to visit those monasteries I've always read of and been interested in. You know its on my bucket list.' As she curled up while scratching behind Sebastian's ears, she watched as the bags were finally finished and floated to land at the front door.

Hermione summoned her cellphone (muggle portable telephone) and called the airlines to get the next tickets out. With a flight time of seven the next morning on her hospitals private jet, she took Sebastian and gathered shrunk her bags to fit within her pocket. After attaching his leash and ordering a pet friendly taxi, Hermione locked up the house and awaited her ride out front.

When the taxi arrived about ten minutes later, Hermione was busy letting her dog walk around her property. 'Ma'am?' the driver yelled to get to her attention. Hermione spun around and saw a very handsome man about ten years older waiting with the back door open for both her and Sebastian to take a seat.

'Be right there, he's finishing his business.' Hermione watched as Sebastian showed off and cleaned his paws off on the road before jumping into the man's car.

'That's a very interesting dog you got there ma'am.' Hermione chuckled as she crawled into the cab next to Sebastian.

'I suppose he is isn't he.' Sebastian was a husky wolf mix that she had found on her property about two years ago. All by himself and only about 5 weeks old, Hermione had rescued him and brought him home. While she lay in bed with the puppy curled up against her neck, Hermione lay thinking of the best name. Turning to gaze upon her new addition to the family, Hermione watched as Sebastian gazed back. With eyes that had the most pure and silver color she had ever seen in an animal before, she instantly thought of the last patronus she had seen that wasn't her own during the war. Severus. Knowing his middle name to be Sebastian she named him that.

'What breed is he? I've never seen that size and color on a purebred husky before.'

Hermione rubbed Sebastian's head as he had curled up on the seat next to her and laid it on her lap for the ride. 'He's half wolf I assume. I'm not sure and haven't really checked. But the vet made an educated guess when I took him in for his shots.'

'And his name?'

'Sebastian.' She smiled fondly down at the animal as he snoozed soundly during their conversation.

'Well, he's very well behaved so I suppose a human name for him is accurate isn't it?'

'Yes, it does suit him doesn't it.' Hermione's thoughts left the beautiful animal of hers and turned to the man he was named after instead. Wondering if he was having as hard a time after the abrupt departure as she was.

While her thoughts took off, the cab driver remained silent almost as he understood that her thoughts were anywhere but in the cab. The ride was pleasant enough as the sun was barely present and the dawns darkness was holding true. Hermione watched as the sunrise took its flight while her thoughts were still in Hogwarts.

'Ma'am. We have arrived.' Hermione shook herself from her train of thought and yawned when she realized the sun had fully risen and she was indeed in front of the private airstrip the hospital used.

Gathering the payment from her wallet, she paid the cab driver with a polite goodbye and thank you before walking out to the check in area. Instead of checking her luggage it remained shrunk inside of her pocket, once she had her tickets Hermione proceeded through security in a timely fashion before boarding her plane. As she was the only passenger with Sebastian, she let him loose once the flight attendant closed the door.

The plane took its ascent rather gracefully and Hermione smiled at the lifestyle she know led with muggle flight and enough muggle money to live rather comfortably. Perks of choosing a career in medicine as a surgeon she supposed.

-SS-

Severus couldn't focus on his essays and grading them all night. Instead he had spent the better part of the night attempting to sleep. Once failing that, he had decided to drink himself to sleep instead. A bad choice on his part as he now began teaching his first class of the day with the worst headache ever. Instead of taking a hangover potion, he chose to deal with the pain instead in hopes of being distracted for his reason behind restlessness in the first place.

With the class running smoothly and every student focused on brewing their potion for the day, Severus took his place behind the desk and attempted to catch up on grading the fourth years before their class in two periods.

-HG-

Hermione landed in Hong Kong, China approximately sixteen hours later. When the flight attendant woke Hermione, Sebastian was already panting happily in the seat next to her with his nose against the planes window. Drawing a small chuckle from Hermione at the sight, she stood and attached his leash before leading the silly dog from the planes confines.

Stepping into the afternoon air of Hong Kong, Hermione took a long breath and savored in the unfamiliarity of it all. When a younger boy came running up to her, he bent instantly to Sebastian and began speaking to him in English.

'Oh hey boy, how are you? Good flight I hope?' Hermione chuckled once more and smiled down at the little lad as she assumed he was to be part of the guide she had hired for the occasion.

'Hello sir. The flight was decent indeed. However, this little one needs to use the restroom before we take off to the cabin I rented if that's suitable?' The little lad nodded and smiled pleasantly before leading her and Sebastian out of the airport and to an area with enough foliage to appease Sebastian for an after flight restroom break.

'Is the cabin far?' Hermione wondered aloud.

'Not too bad. It's about an hours drive into the mountains. You'll be about half an hour from the monasteries, within walking distance if you'd like?' Assuming the boy was referring to her muscle body type Hermione felt pride instead of annoyance as would typically be the case.

'Yes that would suit myself and Sebastian very well.' The lad beamed at her agreement. 'And are you to my be guide during my trip or just to pick me up from the airport?'

He led Hermione and Sebastian to the car and opened the door for them while answering. 'Yes ma'am. If that is okay with you. Also I wanted you to know I've spoken with the lead monk at both monasteries and they have informed me they look forward to having Sebastian's presence within their walls soon.'

Hermione smiled heartily at the news, she had wondered if he would be allowed to attend her time within the monastery and was pleased to hear he would. 'Oh that's good. Thank you so much eh….goodness I've almost forgotten what's your name?'

'Well my English name is Samuel ma'am. We guides have given ourselves easier to pronounce names for those visiting.'

She laughed out loud at this prospect as she knew that the local language was something she had little to no knowledge of and was definitely grateful the guides had taken this into account for those traveling. 'Well Samuel, shall we?' He agreed and began driving through he windy roads of the mountains.

Hermione spent the time during the drive checking her emails and confirming the hospital had granted her time away. Once she had confirmed the thought, she turned the phone off and stowed it away. Sebastian was busy panting and enjoying the days wind while traveling through the beauty of nature that Asia possessed. Hermione found herself doing the same, enjoying the wind through her hair and the sun on her face as the distance was traveled in silence.

As the car finally came to a stop in a small gravel driveway In front of wooden cabin on the edge of the mountain, Hermione opened the car door herself to take in the scenery. The cabin overlooked the cliff's edge with a beautiful porch that bordered the glass wall of the backside of its structure. Hermione marveled at the beauty in it's wooden log build and yelled for Sebastian to join her within it's walls.

Immediately inside the front door was a large living room with two couches, a fireplace and an armchair next to it. Through a small opening in the wall behind the living room was a rather large kitchen and the wall of windows that overlooked the cliff of the mountain. To the right of the front door was a spiral staircase that led to the upper floor. Hermione looked to find the guide standing at the front door, motioning for her to look around. Sebastian curled up on one of the couches as she took flight up the stairs. At the top of the stairs it opened into a hallway with four doors. Hermione opened the first to find a beautiful little bedroom with a massive bed and two dressers. Proceeding through the hallway she opened the next door to the left, it held a large bathroom with a beautifully sized tub that stood gleaming with its jets along the inside of its walls. On the farther ride side of the room was a glass walk in shower, with a decent sized sink next to it. On the wall on the left, it held a ceiling to floor window that overlooked the bordering woods that provided privacy and a view for the bathroom. Hermione left the room and checked the end of hall door to find a small closet. Opening the only door on the right she found her jaw hanging at a rather luxurious master bedroom. With its dark wood green and silver color scheme on the bed linens and furniture, its complete back wall of windows that overlooked the same scenery as the kitchen, Hermione found she was definitely going to enjoy her time here.

Coming back downstairs, Hermione found Samuel petting and playing with Sebastian. 'It's beautiful Samuel, thank you!'

Samuel looked at Hermione and smiled in reply. 'No problem ma'am, we find the better comfort within the cabin leads to a more relaxed traveler for their studies.'

Hermione tipped Samuel while thanking him again before saying her goodbyes for the day. Samuel had informed her before leaving that he left a schedule for tomorrows traveling on the kitchen counter and to enjoy her day of rest and solitude. He would return tomorrow bright and early.

As Samuel left the driveway, Hermione took a moment to listen to the sound of nature as it enveloped her completely. The only thing to break it's beauty was the dull throb that began in her injured arm.

Hermione decided to put the bath to its use.

After taking her bags from her pocket and returning them to full size Hermione set her belongings off to be packed properly as she began undressing. Once the last of her clothing hit the floor, Hermione set the bath to fill as her candles from the house floated to the bathroom and lit themselves. Illuminating Hermione in a homely and familiar lighting and smell.

Hermione climbed into the tub once it filled completely and set the jets to begin their timer. Once the jets began and Sebastian laid down on the carpet next to the window, Hermione finally relaxed completely to the ambience of the cabin and it's scenery.


End file.
